The Signal · Workshop 07 · Mastery
An Actual Apology
Five steps. About 25 minutes. Up to 7 stars. The constellation you're building is called First Repair.
The Signal · Workshop 07 · Mastery
Five steps. About 25 minutes. Up to 7 stars. The constellation you're building is called First Repair.
Most apologies are not apologies. They're either explanations of why what you did was actually fine, or dodges that make the other person feel bad for being upset.
A real apology has four parts. Name what you did — specifically, no fudging. Name the harm — what it cost the other person. Take responsibility — no "but" clause, no shifting blame. Name the change — what you'll do differently next time.
The two killers of an apology are "sorry IF" ("I'm sorry IF that bothered you" — this denies the harm was real) and "sorry BUT" ("I'm sorry BUT you also did X" — this trades the apology for a counter-attack).
By the end of this workshop you'll have written one real apology using all four parts.
That's the warm-up. When you've actually read it — not skimmed — tap below.
Pick the ones that are actual apologies.
Click a part, then its job.
Pick something you actually owe an apology for (recent, real). Write it with all four parts. You don't have to send it — just write it.
Stuck? Try one you've been avoiding. The structure makes it easier, not harder. Notice if your draft has any 'but' or 'if' — that's the work to remove.
Be honest.